Is cancer the end of my career?

Spoiler alert: no

When I was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer in 2022, I wanted to retire. The average prognosis was 3-5 years and whilst I was (and still am) confident I’d outlive that, I was only 39 – you don’t have to be amazing at maths to figure out my line of thinking.

So: retirement. I didn’t want to die working. I didn’t want to regret all the things I didn’t do. I wanted to read books on the sofa with my cats.

For many months, life felt unfair. People were going about their careers while mine felt like it had ended. At the same time, I was unmotivated and physically and mentally unwell. I wished I had the financial means to not work.

Then, in early 2023, I was unable to work after surgery. For a month or so, I put aside my money worries and tried to just ‘be’. But I struggled. I became depressed. I longed to get back to work and exercise.

I realised my happiness comes largely from achieving. I’m not afraid to admit I also crave status and recognition from others, but the most rewarding thing is making myself proud.

It was only when I started achieving again that I felt happier. The more I took on, the more I felt like my old self.

In the last 18 months, I’ve rebuilt my career with a dream role at a food magazine and a freelance gig presenting the Breast Cancer Now Podcast. I’m also working on book proposals and a new series of my podcast, Life in Food.

I’m still the same person, professionally, as I was pre-cancer. If anything, I’m more driven now – just in a slightly different direction, and with a newfound urgency that drives me to complete projects sooner rather than later, because my health could change in an instant.

Realistically, I will probably die while still of working age. But I no longer want to retire early, because I’ve figured out the hard way that life needs purpose.

Medical advances keep me alive physically, but to survive mentally, I need reasons to get up each day.

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Hello – in case you’re new here: I’m Laura. I’m a food writer, novelist and podcast host living with secondary breast cancer.

This newsletter is about living your life now instead of waiting for some distant day that might never come – the name Doughnuts for Breakfast comes from my debut novel, Single Bald Female. You’ll find posts on books, breast cancer, career confidence and more.

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The crumbs

A rundown of the stuff I’m loving right now

What I’ve been reading:

— Lucky by Louise Thompson. Different life-changing event; same life-altering outcome. A harrowing yet compelling read about the Made in Chelsea star’s near-death experience in child-birth.

— Strong Female Character. A hilarious yet moving insight into autism diagnosed in adulthood from comedian Fern Brady.

— Leading Man. Funny, moving and full of heart and soul, my favourite novel yet from the brilliant Justin Myers.

What I’ve been watching:

— Breathtaking on itvX. A hospital drama about Covid-19 starring the brilliant Joanne Froggatt. It’s a really hard watch, but a vital reminder of what the NHS went through.

What I’ve been eating:

— I returned to my old life for a week of eating my way around Bali and Bangkok, including some of The World’s 50 Best Restaurants (thanks to my old job). A major highlight was Ms Maria & Mr Singh, a Mexican-meets-Indian mash-up from Gaggan Anand that I hope will land in London sometime soon. I’ll leave you with these churros…

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A note to subscribers

I’m sorry this newsletter hasn’t always been what I promised. The truth is I’ve chickened out of publishing my writing many times. But the most vulnerable posts – like this from Tiffany Philippou and this from Daisy Buchanan – are the ones that most resonate with me as a reader, so, as a writer, I’ll do my best to be open and honest and feel the fear and do it anyway. Even though my dad is reading. (Hi Dad!) x