Six brilliant books for when the going gets tough

Some of my favourite grief-reads since my breast cancer diagnosis

When we’re going through something seismic in our lives, the tendency is to reach for books that are easy and funny; books that bring light relief. I have done this to some extent since my secondary breast cancer diagnosis in July, but mostly I’ve been drawn to grittier, sadder books. Perhaps it’s because I want to read the stories of people and characters whose grief reflects my own, or because anything too light could seem trivial right now. Either way, here’s a handful of the books I’ve loved in the past few months:

I’m Sorry You Feel That Way by Rebecca Wait

I read this book in the days after my bone biopsy, when I was physically and mentally fragile and feeling very antisocial. The garden was scorched amber from the heatwave and my partner Mark had started his new job, allowing me uninterrupted quiet days at home while I recovered. What better way to recoup than to read a novel that starts with a funeral scene? I thought.

I’m Sorry You Feel That Way follows sisters Hanna and Alice after they’re brought back together at a family funeral, and it’s funny and tragic and witty and so, so readable. The blurb says it’s perfect for anyone who loved Sorrow and Bliss, and I’d add that it’s also for fans of Naoise Dolan, Sally Rooney and Katherine Heiny. It’s that kind of no-nonsense, stripped-back writing I love the most.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

You may have seen this one in the window displays of Waterstones, with the retro Atari consoles on display. That was enough to reel me in – I’m not a gamer, by any stretch, but simply the idea of a book about gaming took me back to playing Pacman and Superfrog on the Amiga I shared with my brother when we were kids (it was his, but I very much commandeered it).

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow (the title comes from Shakespeare, but I wouldn’t know about that tbh) starts with Sadie and Sam in the hospital, where Sam has gone mute after an operation, and Sadie is visiting her sister, who has cancer. The resulting friendship reminded me of Hazel and Gus in The Fault in Our Stars, and also of Jess and Annabel in my own novel, Single Bald Female (anything for a plug, eh?).

The novel also reminded me of A Little Life (one of my all-time favourites) as it’s a bit of a saga, with Sadie and Sam working as computer game developers over the years. It’s a beautiful tale of friendship that I adored from start to finish.

Magically, I got to discuss it on the Brighton Book Club radio show with author Lucy Hooft and writer-presenter Anna Burtt. You can listen to it in podcast form here.

Glittering a Turd by Kris Hallenga

I was lucky enough to read a proof of this memoir before it came out in 2021, but reading it after my secondary breast cancer diagnosis gave it a whole new meaning. If you don’t know Kris’s story, I’ll summarise: she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer in 2009, when she was 23, and has since founded the cancer education charity CoppaFeel! and been generally running the world – you can read my profile here.

Glittering a Turd charts everything from her childhood in Germany to her father’s death and the accompanying funeral cake, to creating a festival, hobnobbing with stars and politicians and getting cancer onto the school curriculum. It’s a manifesto about living the f*** out of life and it’s one of the best books I’ve ever read.

In July, I found myself diagnosed with the same disease as Kris, and I cannot tell you how much comfort I’ve taken in seeing how she squeezes every last drop out of life, and the fact that she has lived for almost 14 years with this stage of the disease.

I recommend the audiobook, which Kris narrates herself, and if you love it, you should subscribe to her podcast, Glittering a Turd. I also interviewed her for my podcast, Life in Food, which you can listen to here.

How to Kill Your Family by Bella Mackie

This one swerves from the theme a little, but I’ve included it here since I lapped it up during the summer of my diagnosis and loved every minute. Bella’s writing is so funny, so smart – she really doesn’t need any promo from me, but she deserves all the hype.

As the title would suggest, How to Kill Your Family is about a woman scorned who reaps revenge on her relatives via… well, murder. It’s hilarious. Just read it.

Totally Fine (and other lies I’ve told myself) by Tiffany Philippou

I prefer memoir in audio form as it’s usually the author themselves who narrates, so you get even more meaning from the words. Tiffany is a journalist whose boyfriend died by suicide when they were in their twenties – she wrote a gorgeous essay about that on Substack. In the book, she talks openly and honestly about the period before and after Richard’s death, with no holds barred on her various f***-ups and failures. Totally Fine is a brilliant read (or listen), particularly for anyone in their twenties who’s going through an identity crisis.

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

I’d heard lots of hype about Crying in H Mart but genuinely had no idea it was a memoir about a woman whose mother dies from cancer until I started reading it. (I’d have got the audiobook if I’d known, but it was one of those auto-buys where I don’t even bother to read the blurb). Anyway, it’s delicious.

Michelle is a Korean-American whose mother brought her up surrounded by bibimbap and other delights. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer and died on October 18th, 2014, after a short period of treatment. (That I happened to start reading it on October 18th was merely a weird coincidence.)

This is one for anyone who, like me, relishes gritty details around death and illness as much as they relish details about food. It has made me want to travel to Seoul to eat everything I can get my hands on, but it’s more likely I’ll head to my neighbouring New Malden, AKA the Korean capital of London. It’s a beautiful homage to Korean food, to Michelle’s mother and to the relationship they had together.

More book reccos

You can buy any of these books on my Bookshop.org shop, which allows you to support local bookshops, and the paperback of Single Bald Female is currently cheaper there than on Amazon. I generally put recommendations on Twitter and Instagram Stories, but feel free to comment here if you ever need a tailored recommendation – I love giving out must-reads as much as I love recommending restaurants.

Would you like to see more of these book round-ups in my newsletter? Leave a comment below if so – I’m thinking of doing a funny reads round-up next.

Speaking of books (literally) . . .

My podcast is back for season two and it began with an episode with author Claire Powell, who wrote At The Table, one of my favourite reads of 2022. Episodes are published every other Wednesday, and the next one is with the brilliant Charmaine Wilkerson, author of Black Cake – an Obama favourite, no less.

I also have some brilliant chefs and other speakers in season two, so be sure to subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

I’ll be back next week with more on Chapter Two, namely the results of my first follow-up PET-CT scan, where we will find out if my cancer drugs are working. All positive thoughts most welcome.

Got any more reccos to add to this list? Let me know in the comments!