44 things I know at 44
On life, love, happiness, social media and money
Last week was my birthday. I’m now officially in my mid-forties, 14 years on from a cancer diagnosis and four years into life with incurable cancer.
Here are a few things I’ve learned…
On happiness
No matter how happy you feel, there’ll always be days where you feel like total shit… and no matter how much self-love you have, you’ll still hate yourself sometimes
You’ll never regret going outside, or picking up a book
If you want the dress, and can afford the dress, buy the dress
If something, or someone, isn’t making you happy, it’s OK to walk away
When you feel sad, remember to feel the feelings. Don’t rush to be ‘fine’
On social media
Instagram only shows the good bits
Social media can be a brilliant source of connection, but it will make you feel rubbish sometimes
You’re not the only one who feels like a dick whenever you post something personal, nor are you the only one who incessantly refreshes their feed to check for comments and likes. We all crave positive reinforcement
Hanging out with your cat or dog is guaranteed to bring you more joy than scrolling online
If you find yourself jealous of someone, ask yourself this: have they achieved something I want to achieve? If so, how can I achieve that thing?
On love and relationships
A partner won’t ‘complete’ you – you are whole and complete on your own
If they don’t message back, they’re just not that into you
It’s always better to be single than in an unhappy relationship
If they call their ex ‘crazy,’ run a mile
Marriage isn’t a ‘happy ever after'. It’s just another beginning
On friendship and social life
Just because there’s a free evening in your calendar, doesn’t mean you have to fill it
You’re allowed to say ‘no’ because you just don’t feel like it; it’s OK to not be a party person
Friendships ebb and flow; it’s OK to drift apart
On family and parenthood
You don’t have to have kids to be happy
There are many different ways to have a family (one of my all-time favourite books, Detransition, Baby, will teach you just that)
It’s OK to love cats more than people
On cancer
It’s possible to have incurable cancer and still be happy
It’s not your fault you got cancer
A metastatic diagnosis isn’t the end
On food
The only ‘diet’ you should follow is a balanced one
Food = joy
Say yes to that slice of cake
On ageing
No matter how skinny you are in your twenties and thirties, and no matter how much exercise you do, you will put on weight in your forties and during menopause. It’s a fact of life
The older you get, the fewer shits you’ll give, but you’ll never be entirely shitless
Ageing is a privilege. Your next birthday isn’t guaranteed
That thing you’re self-conscious or worried about? No one else cares
You’ll never look as good as you did in your twenties, but you’ll also never look as good as you do now. Wear the bikini
You’re never too old to Do The Thing
On career and money
Quitting isn’t failure. You can start again the next day
You don’t need to ‘earn your age’. Earn whatever you need to survive and to enjoy life. There’s no magic number
Saving is important, but so is spending – don’t forget to invest some of that hard-earned money back into your happiness. You might not be here come retirement
On general miscellany
No matter how many times you check the box that says ‘Do not subscribe me to this mailing list,’ they will always subscribe you to the mailing list
Putting the duvet into the duvet cover will never not be a ballache
There are few greater joys than sending back an online shopping order and seeing the money go back into your account
Amazon is no longer the cheapest place to buy books – and your local bookshop is infinitely more joyful
It’s OK to ask for help
On life
Life is hard. Be kind to yourself
If in doubt, write a list
You’ve always wanted to write a book/take up pottery/dye your hair pink/book that trip? Don’t put if off for that distant day that might never come. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed
Got your own learnings? Feel free to share them in the comments!
Oh, Laura, this is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. I love it so much. And I'm only adding this because I want to join in:
(With the strict caveat that this does not condone any abusive/obsessive behaviour, or anything that makes anyone miserable) - Loving whole heartedly and joyfully is much happier and much more fun than waiting to be loved.
It's good for morale to master a tiny, deceptively simple but impressive thing, like making your own mayonnaise.
We all need periods of quietness and stillness, but busy, noisy life will always rush in like the tides, and fill in every gap. We need to practise being quiet and still - so we're able to give stillness to ourselves when we need it the most. If you're a reader, you'll always be able to find the stillness you need. And you'll never fear your own company. X
I also turned 44 last week and loved your list. Thank you 🙏🏼